as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
