I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
