i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
