I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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