i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
