I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
