what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
