Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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