Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
