Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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