Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
