I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
