What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
