Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
