bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize