Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
