i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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