Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
