everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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