Do you still have your period?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
