The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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