i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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