I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
