Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
