No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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