Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
