I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
