I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
