How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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