I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
