he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
