I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
