Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
