I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
