The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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