i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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