he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
