A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
