I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
