We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
