well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
