White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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