Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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