Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
