His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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