So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
