When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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