So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
