Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
