Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
