Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
