Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
