Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
