Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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