I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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