I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
