Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the liver wants what the liver wants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
