Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
