Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i think i just lost a toe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
