Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
