College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
