This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
