just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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