so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
