Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this just has baby written all over it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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