I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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