Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
