Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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