how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
