im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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